Surprised by the Voice of God

I have read 'Surprised by the Voice of God' 13 years ago (http://www.amazon.com/Surprised-Voice-God-Jack-Deere/dp/0310225582 not an affiliate link, just for reference). I still own the book and I am about to read again after what happened to me last night.

I had a rather rough week at work and a particularly rough day yesterday, feeling like I let people down that counted on me. On top of that my Friday night plans were cancelled last minute. I had been looking forward to being done with work and just relax and then that didn't happen either. Not to complain, people are dealing with much worse than that. Just setting the stage here.

I laid down in bed and just tried to get control over my mind so it would stop racing. I get anxious very easily but I am very effective at snapping out of it quickly. Yesterday it wasn't that easy for some reason and I even started feeling physically sick which only increased my anxiety. I don't like bothering people with my silly problems so I didn't call any of my friends or family to talk about it.

So I closed my eyes and started focusing on God. Some call this 'quiet time'. I wasn't even praying. I was just quiet, trying to listen to God (which I need to do MUCH more often, as a routine and with purpose). My mind was still trying to race, but I kept at it, trying to just focus on God.

All of a sudden, a random name popped into my head. I tried to actually drown it out at first, thinking it was part of my mind racing. But it kept coming back. Very clearly. Over and over again. A name I had never heard before. I don't even know anyone by that first name. Or by that last name for that matter.

After about 5 minutes of this name very clearly repeating over and over in my head, I picked up my phone and googled the name, expecting to get a bunch of random results to sift through with no real conclusion as to what the name meant. I had no idea what to expect.

First three plus results were about the same Christian therapist/counselor in Seattle. In fact, when I started typing her name in the search box, Google auto-populated the box with 'Seattle' after her name. I couldn't believe it. I read her bio and methodology and was blown away by what a good fit she would be for me.

I hadn't been thinking about finding a therapist. I have never searched for a therapist in Seattle (especially West Seattle). I don't like counselors and generally think they are full of crap and that I don't need them. Because I am tough. I always have been and people have always told me that I am extremely strong. And people have always expected me to be tough and strong. I don't like asking for help. It's a sign of weakness in my eyes. Even in relationships, I never allow myself to just fall and trust that I will be taken care of because I've always had to be the strong one and carry those around me.

Apparently, God disagrees with me there :). Which is very scary to me and most of me is still resisting the idea of seeing a counselor. But it also brings tears to my eyes, because it shows me that all the burdens that my prideful soul thinks I have to carry by myself, God doesn't want me to carry by myself.

Sure, this may be a little bit of an exaggerated interpretation of a small thing like getting a name. But God was certainly nudging me. And I feel very blessed by and through that. I hope I can experience that kind of clarity in hearing God's word over my life more often. Which I know has to start with me actually taking the time to listen like I did yesterday. And needless to say, I will be setting up an appointment with this lady.