In this blog post I want to cover a few things:
1.
Best online dating sites
2.
Dos and donts for profiles (men and women)
3.
Dos and donts for messages
4.
General thoughts
1. Best
Online Dating Sites
As mentioned I have been on a few a sites and here is my ranking (this only contains sites I have been on, obviously there are sites out there I haven’t been on)
As mentioned I have been on a few a sites and here is my ranking (this only contains sites I have been on, obviously there are sites out there I haven’t been on)
1. OKCupid – this is by far my favorite site and I
have been on the most quality dates from this site. It is free with the option
to upgrade (i.e. pay) for additional features, which I have not. It has a
matching system based on questions you answer. Some of the questions are a
little silly and some of them are very very personal, but you can choose to
answer them privately and still get matches based on your answer if that makes
you more comfortable. Some of the questions are user generated which I think is
awesome because it provides an insight into what people want to know about
their partner in advance. You can answer as many or as few questions as you
want and also skip questions you don’t want to answer, but the more the better
the match will be. You can also view the responses (if answered publicly, which
most people tend to do) of potentially dates to each questions if you really
want to dig in.
The user base seems to be fairly broad and you seldom
see the same faces. You can e-mail whoever you want, not just your matches.
They also have an activity feed and a broadcast setting that lets you
spontaneously connect with people on their app. You can set your broadcast to
whatever you are doing and where you are to see if someone wants to hang out. I
have met a few cool people that way. The app also tracks your location and
shows you in people’s feeds where ever you are. I recently travelled to SoCal
and when I checked my app about an hour after landing I had 121 new visitors to
my profile and 34 new messages.
2. Plenty of Fish (POF) – now a lot of people think
of this site and think ‘hook up’. Yes, there are quite a few people on there
looking for just sex, just as any site really. It’s not that bad. It’s free
with an option to upgrade for additional features just like OKCupid and it’s
simple. Just your pictures and your profile and people to talk to. Now it does
provide you with matches and there is also a feature called ‘Top 10 prospects’
(seems to only be available to women though), but I have no idea how in the
world they generate that because you don’t submit any information other than
your basics and some qualifiers. So take the matching with a grain of salt. I
have gone on a few quality dates from that site. They also have an app and it
also tracks your location just like the OKCupid app. But it doesn’t have the
broadcast feature.
3. Match – the first downside of match.com is
obviously that it is not free unlike OKCupid and POF. You would think that if
people pay for something they would be a little more serious about the whole
dating thing but that is not the case. It’s not worse or better than the free
sites, it’s just the same. I did find the user base to be smaller and started
seeing the same faces over and over again. You get matched based on questions
you answer, but why pay for that when you can get it for free on OKCupid? I
have gone on a few dates from this site.
I am sure they have an app as well but I never used it.
4. ChristianMingle – I have not gone on any dates
from this site. It is free however and it is nice to know upfront that someone
is a Christian. What bothered me the most about this site is the user
interface. It looks cheap and is weird to navigate. Also, their user base
doesn’t seem to be very big and I did not receive any e-mails from men that I
would actually consider dating. Not sure if they have an app.
5. EHarmony – now this one is the biggest
disappointment of all. A few months ago I decided to give it a shot because
again I thought that if people put that much effort into creating their profile
and pay for it, that chances are you can find someone who is actually serious
about dating. I paid $75 plus two more payments of $75 for a year membership
and I am soooo regretting it. First of, if you are really that convinced that
your site can find you the perfect match, why make the cheapest and best option
a one year long membership? (yeah I should have thought of that before I signed
up…now shush). I get about 5 matches a day, usually 4 out of the 5 are
completely unattractive to me in terms of looks. Also, most of them have a note
that says “this person is just out of your match criteria but we still think
they could be a great match”. That usually means they are 5’6. Nothing wrong
with being 5’6 but I am 5’5 and I wear heels so 5’10 is my minimum height. Call
me superficial, I don’t care. It also tells me that I should adjust my distance
settings to more than 250 miles away from me(!!!) to get more matches. Yeah, I
am not looking for a pen pal.
They have a pre-set communication pattern where you
pick a few pre-set questions to send to someone, then Likes and Dislikes, then
something else, then something else, and then finally you can actually start
e-mailing each other. The few guys that I have actually communicated with
stopped responding when it got the point of freely e-mailing each other. Now
you could say that that was just me, but I get about 20 e-mails a day on
OKCupid, so I think not. Some of the guys haven’t even been online on the site
in weeks. They do have an app but it doesn’t do anything outside of what you’d
get on the website.
They have a
features called ‘What if’ that shows you people that aren’t matches, but
doesn’t allow you to just browse people either. My verdict: don’t waste your
money.
2. Dos
and donts for profiles
Men’s dos and donts
- Do put up pictures of your face from different
angles. Ask your girlfriends which pictures make you look the best but don’t
misrepresent yourself.
- Don’t put up shirtless pictures unless you’re
ripped.
- Don’t put up mirror selfies (one is fine, but
all of your pics??)
- A few pics of you waterskiing, etc are fine but
don’t make all of your pics like that. I can read what your hobbies are in your
profile, I don’t need to see you doing them. I want to see your face!
- This may be obvious but you wouldn’t believe how
many guys don’t do this: SMILE.
- Don’t lie about your height.
- Don’t start your summary with “I hate writing
about myself but here it goes” (or anything similar)
- Don’t put up pictures that are older than 6
months.
- Don’t put up one picture with a beard and long
hair and one with a bald head and shaved without explaining which look is you
RIGHT NOW. Yes, that is an extreme, but you get the point.
- Don’t put up pictures with you and your buddies
unless you’re the hottest one of the group.
- Do talk about what is important in your life and
where you are wanting to go. Drive is sexy.
Women’s dos and donts:
- Don’t put up pictures of just your cleavage.
- Don’t put up pictures that are older than 6
months.
- Ladies, ladies, ladies… I know we all want to
show our best sides, but don’t lie about your figure. Own it! In both your
profile and your pictures. This is the number one biggest complaint I have
heard from guys. ‘She was way bigger than her pictures’. I know there are
clever angles to take pictures from that make you look skinnier but guess what,
those angles won’t help you in person. Love your body and be proud of it.
- Do smile in your pictures.
- Don’t duckface in your pictures.
- Don’t put up pictures of you with girlfriends
that are hotter than you! (can’t believe I have to even say this)
- Don’t say “I hate drama” because it usually
means you create it. At least that’s what guys think and have experienced.
- Don’t rant about other guys or bad dates on your
profile.
- Don’t be a bitch.
- Do offer to split the bill. Always. Times are
tough and guys don’t have money to waste either. He will appreciate your
gesture and if he is a gentleman he will refuse your offer anyway. But at the
latest on the third date you should insist on paying all of it yourself. Then
you can play it by ear going forward.
3. Dos
and donts for first messages
- Do write more than ‘hi’.
- Don’t write ‘dtf’ or make a sexual comment. (unless that’s what you’re after obviously)
- Don’t write a novel. If you can’t capture their
attention in 3 sentences you’ve already lost.
- Do check for spelling errors and grammar. (this
one is a pet peeve of mine)
- Do tell the person why they stood out to you and
why you think they should write you back, i.e. what you have to offer them.
- Don’t diminish yourself. (“I know you are out of
my league but…”, “I am probably not what you’re looking for…”)
- Do write with confidence.
- Be genuine.
4. General
Thoughts
- Don’t give up! I went on many many many dates
before I found someone that I actually wanted to put some effort into.
Sometimes you like them more than they like you and sometimes it’s the other
way around and sometimes you mutually agree there is no connection. And one day
you will go on a date and you will both agree that you do have a great
connection.
- Don’t be a stage 5 clinger. It’s not sexy. And
both guys and girls do it. If the other person is not interested, move on and find
someone new.
- Don’t take it personally. If someone doesn’t
like you, it doesn’t mean you’re not likable. It’s just means that one person
didn’t click with you. And you never know what is going on in their lives.
Maybe they are still in love with someone else, maybe they are just not ready
to date, or maybe they are just out to have casual fun.
- Yes it is online dating, but that doesn’t mean
it’s online ‘dating’. Once you connect through the site a few times, meet up in
person to see if you click.
- Don’t jump into an instant relationship. It will
fade quicker than it happened. Give it time.
- Be honest about who you are and what you want
but make it clear that you are not expecting the other person to be that. So if
your end goal is to be married, be honest about that, but don’t put that
pressure on the person you’re with. It is a goal you have with whoever is the
right person for you. It might be them or it might not. It’s your goal and
whether they will be part of that goal will emerge at a later time.
- We all know fairly quickly whether or not we can
see ourselves with someone going forward or not. You might like the other person,
you might have fun with them, but deep down you’re already thinking about letting them go because you’re just not feeling it? Let them go. Now. I am not
saying you have to know right away that you want to be in a relationship with
the person, but if you can’t get it up with her (not sure what the female
equivalent here would be…), you’re probably not interested. It is not a fair
and total douche move to lead someone on just because you’re having a good
time with them.
- Don’t let past experiences impact how you
interact with a new person. It will only taint the experience. Sure they may
turn out to be ‘just like all the other guys/girls’ but if you don’t approach
things with an open heart, you might end up dismissing or driving away someone
who liked you and treated you well.
- Don’t make assumptions. But always assume best
intentions.
- If you genuinely like someone, give it the best
chance it can have by not being clingy, anxious, weird, pushy, or anything else
negative. Relationships are fragile, especially in the beginning stages.
- Don’t settle.
- Have faith.
