The Queen of Procrastination is dead

I have been struggling with procrastination for the past few years. Getting stuff done has become an obstacle to me. But according to my strengths finder I am an activator, which has been baffling to me. Ideation is also one of my strengths. I have great ideas but I have trouble following through on them. I am working on multiple projects in my personal life that could greatly enhance my life if I only finished them, but I haven't and rarely work on them. At work, I am a little better, because there are deadlines and pressure from other people. I don't know if it's Twitter's fault but my attention span is shorter than 140 characters. In meetings that last more than 30 minutes my mind starts to wander. I get pinged on 50 different 'apps' every day (Facebook, Twitter, Outlook, Office Communicator, text, kik, whats app, Yahoo mail, Gmail.... the list goes on) so I guess it is no wonder I can't focus on one thing more than 3 seconds.

So today, and I don't know where this thought came from or what inspired me to try this, I made a list of all the things I need to get done today and the set a timer for 15 minutes and started on the top of the list. 

A few examples of tasks that can be completed in 15 minute intervals that are on my list:

- Dishes/clean kitchen

- Sort closet

- Edit book

- Catch up on e-mail

I have been working the list of about 20 items total since then and I have gotten more done than I probably have this entire past weekend in just the past two hours. You would be surprised how much you can get done in 15 minutes. And if you are also competitive like me, you're going to try to get as much done or finish a task completely in those 15 minutes. This blog post is one of the items on my list. I have 1 minutes and 30 seconds left.

Try it. Let me know how it works for you. If I can keep this up, this will truly be a life changer for me. 

In God I trust

As a Christian your faith should be displayed in many different ways. Christians are meant to be the light for other people that guides them to the truth. Your faith should be displayed in your daily interactions with people, your charitable giving, and in your trust in God, among other things. Granted, we are all fallible and our faith is put to the test by the devil every day.

I had an epiphany about myself the other day. I claim to be a Christian but you couldn't tell by my reaction to difficult situations. I get very upset and angry when something is out of my control, when something does not make sense to me and I don't see the logic or reason behind decisions made by others that directly impact my life. There was an incident that made me realize this. I was put into a situation that I felt was unfair and irrational. I got very upset, walked away, and was ready to burn a bridge. I was ready to completely quit a relationship, not just with one person, but with an entire organization that I had spent over a year building trust with and working hard for (I am not talking about my job by the way). I spent the entire afternoon being upset, talking to people, trying to figure out how to get what I want and was already drafting the e-mail in my mind that I would send explaining why that organization would not get my support anymore. Later that evening, I received a phone call that the director had been consulted and would make an exception to policy and the situation was resolved in my favor. 

Joel Osteen talks a lot about God's favor. I listen to him almost every Sunday, but somehow the message about having God's favor, about God bringing about good from every situation, has not been internalized by my heart. I have been doing a lot of soul searching these past few months and been very observant of my own thoughts and my own behavior. As I was contemplating my epiphany, I talked to people that know me very well and have seen me react in a similar fashion many times before. The consensus was that I need control. If I feel like I have no control over a situation and am being controlled by someone else, I completely shut down. There are many examples that I can point to that support this. So I started wondering when I felt like that for the first time. 

My dad died when I was 8 years old. He went to the hospital after a stroke and was there for about 2 weeks. One day my mom received the phone call that he would probably not make it and if he did he would have major brain damage and would be bed-ridden for the rest of his life. She grabbed my hand and my little brother's hand and we stood in a circle to pray for my dad. My mother was so upset, she couldn't even speak. This is the moment I grew up. I was 8 years old. I pulled myself together and prayed out loud for all of us. I prayed to God that my dad would be either completely healed or that God would take him to heaven. As young as I was, I remembered my dad saying many times that he would rather be dead than being a vegetable that others have to take care of which is why my prayer was so specific about healing him completely. Later that day, my dad passed away. Needless to say, in my 8 year old mind, it was my fault because of the prayer I prayed. Not only was I now dealing with not having a father, I was also dealing with the burden of guilt about his death. I never received any counseling after his death. I had to be the other adult in the family. My mom now had to work day and night to support us and keep the apartment we lived in so we wouldn't lose our home on top of everything else as well. I raised myself and my little brother while she was at work. My mom is a wonderful mom and did everything she could for us. She gave up her life to support us and to give us the best life possible. I know how much it hurt her and to this day hurts her that I had to grow up so quickly. 

In retrospect, our life would have been even harder if my dad had survived and had been bed-ridden. Things were tough enough. The memories I do have of my father are that of a strong, vital man with high dreams and goals that he managed to achieve throughout his life. He fled the socialist hell the Czech Republic was at the time, started working construction in Germany, living in a small apartment with 7 other guys, taught himself how to speak and write German, put himself through school and became an engineer at VDO. My dad taught me about the American Dream, even though we were not in America. I am thankful that I remember him that way rather than as a helpless, bed-ridden man. I am thankful for everything my dad has taught me, even after his death through the stories my cousins and aunts told me about him. I understand this on an intellectual level, but in my heart and soul, the 8 year old girl still wishes she could have had more time with her dad. 

In my adult life this has translated into not wanting to give up control. It has translated into not wanting to give my burdens to God because I am scared of the outcome. It has translated into me being completely unequipped to deal with any kind of loss, including break ups. When someone chooses to leave me, I can intellectually understand the reasons behind it but in my heart and soul I feel that it is my fault. And because I feel like it is my fault, I feel like I need to fix it. There has got to be something I can do to make it go away and have more time, right? 

So when someone tells me no, when something does not go the way I so desperately wanted it to go, be it personal or professional, the 8 year old girl in me rises up and fights. The 8 year old girl in me screams 'not this time' and does not comprehend that sometimes there just isn't anything you can do or should do. 

Evil is everywhere in the world. Death and loss are a part of this world. But God is in control. God promises that He will pay us back for what we have lost.  I need to learn to understand that, to feel that. I need to learn to be patient and trust that God will take care of me and that I sometimes sabotage what God has planned and prepared  for me by trying to force it and trying to control it. I need to give up control and fully trust the Lord. This will be my greatest and most impactful resolution for 2013. 

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Matthew 11:28-29

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Isaiah 40:29-31

He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.Even youths will become weak and tired,and young men will fall in exhaustion.But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.They will soar high on wings like eagles.They will run and not grow weary.They will walk and not faint. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3b1iwLIMmRQ

Surprised by the Voice of God

I have read 'Surprised by the Voice of God' 13 years ago (http://www.amazon.com/Surprised-Voice-God-Jack-Deere/dp/0310225582 not an affiliate link, just for reference). I still own the book and I am about to read again after what happened to me last night.

I had a rather rough week at work and a particularly rough day yesterday, feeling like I let people down that counted on me. On top of that my Friday night plans were cancelled last minute. I had been looking forward to being done with work and just relax and then that didn't happen either. Not to complain, people are dealing with much worse than that. Just setting the stage here.

I laid down in bed and just tried to get control over my mind so it would stop racing. I get anxious very easily but I am very effective at snapping out of it quickly. Yesterday it wasn't that easy for some reason and I even started feeling physically sick which only increased my anxiety. I don't like bothering people with my silly problems so I didn't call any of my friends or family to talk about it.

So I closed my eyes and started focusing on God. Some call this 'quiet time'. I wasn't even praying. I was just quiet, trying to listen to God (which I need to do MUCH more often, as a routine and with purpose). My mind was still trying to race, but I kept at it, trying to just focus on God.

All of a sudden, a random name popped into my head. I tried to actually drown it out at first, thinking it was part of my mind racing. But it kept coming back. Very clearly. Over and over again. A name I had never heard before. I don't even know anyone by that first name. Or by that last name for that matter.

After about 5 minutes of this name very clearly repeating over and over in my head, I picked up my phone and googled the name, expecting to get a bunch of random results to sift through with no real conclusion as to what the name meant. I had no idea what to expect.

First three plus results were about the same Christian therapist/counselor in Seattle. In fact, when I started typing her name in the search box, Google auto-populated the box with 'Seattle' after her name. I couldn't believe it. I read her bio and methodology and was blown away by what a good fit she would be for me.

I hadn't been thinking about finding a therapist. I have never searched for a therapist in Seattle (especially West Seattle). I don't like counselors and generally think they are full of crap and that I don't need them. Because I am tough. I always have been and people have always told me that I am extremely strong. And people have always expected me to be tough and strong. I don't like asking for help. It's a sign of weakness in my eyes. Even in relationships, I never allow myself to just fall and trust that I will be taken care of because I've always had to be the strong one and carry those around me.

Apparently, God disagrees with me there :). Which is very scary to me and most of me is still resisting the idea of seeing a counselor. But it also brings tears to my eyes, because it shows me that all the burdens that my prideful soul thinks I have to carry by myself, God doesn't want me to carry by myself.

Sure, this may be a little bit of an exaggerated interpretation of a small thing like getting a name. But God was certainly nudging me. And I feel very blessed by and through that. I hope I can experience that kind of clarity in hearing God's word over my life more often. Which I know has to start with me actually taking the time to listen like I did yesterday. And needless to say, I will be setting up an appointment with this lady.

From Fat to Fab

Warning: You cannot un-see what you're about to see.

This was me 7-10 years ago...

And this is me today....

I am almost 30 and look better than when I was 20. How did I do it? Small lifestyle changes. That's all it took. I don't work out ever (I probably should though). I don't only eat salads. I learned to do things in moderation.  I walked a little more here, ate a little less there. And that is how I lost the weight.
People who are overweight know deep down what they need to change. I know because I've been there. It's not as hard as it seems. You just have to get uncomfortable enough in your own skin to want it. No one else can make you want to do it. But if you want it, you can lose the weight. It's that simple.

Greek Denial

The image below is screen shot of a poll aired on a German news station. The poll was conducted in different countries within Europe. The question was 'Who works the hardest in Europe?'

The left column shows the country that was polled (from top to bottom: Great Britain, France, Spain, Germany, Italy, Poland, Greece), the right column shows how that country voted. All countries voted Germany to be the hardest working in Europe. Well, all countries except for one...

Seriously Germany, stop pumping money into that lazy shit hole. They are your Occupiers, except you can actually kick them out and cut them off while Americans can't kick their Occupiers out.

War on Men #waronmen #waronwomen

Both Liberals and Conservatives are talking about the war on women and blaming the other side. With the latest leftist attack  which manifested itself in depicting S.E. Cupp with 'something' in her mouth, I think it is pretty obvious who is waging that war. But I digress.  My question is, why isn't anybody talking about the war on men?

Marketing departments definitely seem to be biased towards men. Look at how companies are portraying men in their commercials, sending the message to young girls and boys that all men are idiots.

Here are some examples of commercials that portray men as incapable losers:

Excedrin http://www.poptent.net/media/26030 ;

Lowe's: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8E_tI3QDaSM

Vonage: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXml1Iu47xU

Geico: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oe-Y-zSd5gs

AT&T: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFWGkeVVO0I

DiGiorno: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oULN5a_quGQ

My new 'favorite' commercial is the Eggos commercial where dad built a crooked a table and the food just slides off. I couldn't find that one on YouTube. And this is just a selection of commercials. There are many more out there that send the same type of message. 

This phenomena is yet another sign of how feminism has pushed us way beyond the reasonable desire for women to have equality to the completely reserve in some areas of life.

The kind of messaging seen in the commercials above will make girls think that men can't do anything right and that they will have to be mean bitches when they grow up to whip their men into shape.

On the flip side, young boys will think that it's ok for a woman to demean them and  raise their eyebrow at them. They will accept that they will never be able to do anything right (according to their woman).

A completely perverse message that kills both femininity AND masculinity and is a purveyor of a behavioral pattern that, in my opinion, is the reason most marriages fail. Most men don't cheat because they are sex addicts or because they are pigs. Sure some do, but the majority of men who cheat do so when they've grown so weary of their wife bitching at them for not doing things right that they need to find affirmation, be it physical or emotional, from another woman.

 A true masculine man will cherish a woman and support her in her endeavors. If you demonize men, all you do is create the very self-image in men that you don't want to see in them. If you respect men and let them know that you value their contributions, they will become knights in shining armor.

Oh and if you would like to see what a political war on men looks like, just follow @TheRealRoseanne.

LinkedIn does not work like Twitter

I received a few questions about this tweet: "I wish people would understand that LinkedIn does not work like Twitter. Completely different approach and purpose". So I figured a quick blog post is in order. If you are one of my social media geek followers, this post is a moot point for you.

Twitter and LinkedIn are inherently different.  In short: Twitter is for connecting with people you want to meet, LinkedIn is for staying connected to people that you have met.

Now in my case the Twitter statement mostly applies to professional connections and people who are passionate about animals. It is not my goal to meet with all my Twitter followers and those who I follow. But I would like to meet some who  are in the same profession as I am or in a profession that interests me or who are simply rockstars in their field (like Chris Brogan :-) ). Twitter can be used to connect with others for many different reasons, and professional networking is just one of those reasons. Everyone has their own personal purpose for using Twitter.

LinkedIn however is different in that it has a very specific purpose. It is a professional network. You connect with people that you have either met in person (for example during a networking event) or that you have worked with.  The latter could be either in person or virtually.

In my opinion, you should only connect with people on LinkedIn if you can speak to their professional abilities in a positive way if someone asked you about it. This does not mean you have to have worked with them. I am connected to a lot of great people who I have seen display their abilities and knowledge during events  and in person meetings.

Lately, I have been getting a lot of invitations on LinkedIn from people that I have never met. Or people that I have met, even at work, but I don't know anything about them outside of their name and where they sit in the office. Now if those people were looking for a job, I would not recommend them or give them a lead because I know nothing about their work ethics, their abilities, etc. They may be great employees, but am I willing to put my reputation on the line for someone who may or may not be a great candidate or employee? The answer is no.

Yesterday I received an invitation from someone who is looking for a training role. She sent me a nice e-mail asking to let her know if I know of any opportunities. Here is my response to her:

' Dear Jane,

Thank you for your nice e-mail. I would love to connect with you on LinkedIn and let you know about any training opportunities that I know of. Please let me know when you are available to meet in person over coffee so we can discuss your experience and what you are looking for.

Thanks,

Miriam'

If she truly wants to connect with me professionally and is serious about wanting to be referred, she will make the time and effort.

On the other hand, LinkedIn also isn't Facebook. You may be friends on Facebook but does that mean you know anything about that person professionally? Think about that before you connect with them on LinkedIn.

The moral of the story is that connecting with people on LinkedIn has lot more significance than connecting with them on Twitter or Facebook. It reflects on you professionally. The two questions I always ask myself before connecting with someone are: What would I say about this person if someone asked me? And, more importantly: What would that person say if someone asked them about me?

Don't put your professional reputation and your network on the line just to be nice and to not offend anybody.

Disclaimer: If you are actively looking for a job and you get an invitation on LinkedIn from a recruiter that you have never spoken to or met in person, you accept!